I cannot express how touched I am by the number of people who have responded since my last post. People I've never even talked to before have come forward to offer their kind words, positive experiences, and support. I have saved them all on my email on my phone and will read them daily to give me strength. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. ;-) *hugs to you all*
Right now I am going back and forth between wanting to stand up and kick butt or run and hide in the woods and pretend it's not happening! I know that the first is the only option for me so that's what I'm going to go with. I am starting to come to terms with the early diagnosis, while still trying to remember that real decisions and better information will come in St. Louis tomorrow. My appetite has been pretty poopy. But last night we were out and about, had to get out of the house and away from the phone, and we went for pizza. I LOVE pizza! Pizza and pasta are probably my two favorite foods! As soon as we walked through the door and smelled it, I was practically drooling! I ate so much pizza I thought I would be sick! Not like, a whole pie, mind you, but enough to make my stomach say, "Whoa!!" I guess when you don't feed it for over a day, it may need to wake up to something a little easier! Haha! But it was fantastic and I started to feel better. I had a decent night's sleep, thanks to a mild anxiety med. that I took last night. I also got a great leg massage from my hubby while we were watching Letterman. I may use that part to my advantage! teehee
This morning I RAN! At first I wasn't really feeling it, I just can't seem to turn my mind off and focus on something other than the c-word. I told myself that I should just do it for 10 minutes and if I still wanted to quit I could. But after that 10 minutes went by, I felt better. I kept going and going. I went 4 miles of speed intervals. Yay! When I got done I hopped off the treadmill. took Zachary to school, and felt normal for the first time in 2 days. Katie and I are going to do my hubby's work errands with him today. My bff has classes today, so she can't come and hang out like we did yesterday, and I'm not going to sit in the house all day screening phone calls and hoping nobody drives up to see me. I'm not being rude, I am just filling my time with all the positive, strong people I know. I can't talk to anybody that is going to make me cry, or break down. In fact it was last night before I called my baby sisters. My mom has been talking to them of course, and we have been texting back and forth, but hearing their concerned and weepy voices would be another thing altogether. So I waited until I was having a strong moment last night and called them both. I'm glad I did. And I'm getting really tired of telling the story to everybody who asks, and we live in a small town...everybody asks! And you might as well tell them if they do, because if not they are probably going to make up their own story! haha So we are going to get out today, maybe go eat some yummy mexican food for lunch, and just be around. Thank you again for all your support...I appreciate it and need it more than you know!
*Sarah sent me this Bible verse that I read over and over this morning and really touched my heart, so I thought I would share it with you.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5