“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:57
I’m not even going to look to see how long it was since my last post, I know it’s ridiculous. And I know I say this again and again, but I seriously have had no.spare.time. in which to blog. I still don’t, but it’s 615am and nobody else is up around here, just me and God. We are just waiting for another 45 minutes to roll around when this house will undoubtedly spring to life with people, little and big, getting ready to start another day.
By the way, have I mentioned how thankful I am to have “another day”?
Well, I am.
For the past 4 weeks we have made countless trips to STL for all sorts of different scans, which first started out trying to determine WHY I have two broken ribs. BTW-we still don’t know. Humph.
- X-ray of ribs to diagnose 2 broken ribs (9 & 10 if you’re wondering)
- Bone density which would give us a clear reason as to the broken ribs-it was normal
- CT scan to determine if cancer is lurking anywhere else-it’s not PTL!
- Bone scan to round out the scanning regimen-wuh oh. <----hot spot on the ribs, left ankle, and femur
- X-ray of the femur to determine the cause of the uptake shown in the bone scan, looking for a lesion, tumor, fracture, SOMETHING.
So this brings us to the present, where I heard from my dr last night that the bone expert doesn’t THINK the spot on my femur is cancer, but now we have to do an MRI to be certain.
So you can mentally just add that to the list above.
I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I have had so many emotions running through me in the past month, it’s almost like the time of my original diagnosis all over again…sad, frustration, toughness, anger, it’s been pretty much the norm as far as the cycle of emotions goes.
Over and over I keep handing all my fears to God, and over and over I have failed and have picked them back up and tried to take control in my human hands. And I’ve figured out, yet again, that umm, this doesn’t work so well. Mentally and emotionally exhausted-yeah, are not characteristics of a child of God. We are supposed to hand our worries over to Him and let.Him.work.
Don’t pick them back up again.
Well, I’m trying. And I’ll keep trying. I know that while I have so many unknowns, there are no unknowns with God. He is not startled by anything and He really does have all this under control! No matter how much I like to think I am…I’m totally not. Boy that’s tough for a Type-A control-freak to say!
I am so thankful that I serve a Risen Savior who loves me, no matter how many times I fail. That I can ask Him for forgiveness and He continues to pick me up, dust me off, and put me back up on His shelf where I belong. SO THANKFUL. <-----Kinda appropriate for the day before Thanksgiving, right?
So again this morning, I am giving it all over to Him. Again, I’m going to fix my mindset on
“Erica, He’s got THIS.”
And be SO THANKFUL that He does.
Find something to be thankful for today, smile with hope, and check your breasts.