Monday, December 6, 2010

Losing My Mind

Sometimes I really feel like I’m losing my mind.

Have you been able to pick up on any of this??  I sure hope not, but it’s sooooo evident to me.  Not to mention frustrating.

[I am a very type-a, organized, check things off my list left-and-right kind of girl.]

But things began to change over the last year or so. 

From what I can understand, I have a severe case of chemo-brain + menopause-brain.  I used to shrug off the chemo-brain explanation, but now I am totally getting it.  Oh my word, it’s ridiculous.  And the added benefits of menopause don’t help the situation, either. 

Here’s what I’m talking about:

  • I will forget what I’m talking about in the middle of a sentence.  One of my most-said quotes is, “Now what was I saying?” or “Hey, you know what?” Followed by silence because I’ve forgotten “what!”
  • I can’t concentrate, like, at all.  Most times I feel like my mind is in a fog.
  • Background noise when I’m trying to do anything makes it impossible to focus (I have the TV muted right now).
  • I ask the kids multiple times each evening how their day was.
  • I have to really try and focus when they are getting out of the car in the morning, because more than once I’ve told them, “Good Night!”
  • I will write a list of things I need to do, then lose the list.  Um yeah, kind of defeats the list-making in the first place.
  • My mind wanders all the time…to nowhere.
  • The looonnnggg list of the kids’ activities nearly puts my brain over the edge.  Sometimes I just want to sit down and cry because I don’t know what to do next.  It’s like my brain can’t process all the info.
  • And since doing mental activities can be such a struggle, I procrastinate until I’ve REALLY forgotten what needs to be done.
  • My attention span is zero.  I have started online Christmas shopping at least a dozen times lately, but have only managed to buy two things.
  • I am feeling the pressure all the time…Kids, ballgames, office work, fundraising, church, home…seriously, right now, I feel as if my head may explode just writing about it. 
  • I retell the same story, over and over, until someone says “yeah, you already told me that.”

See what I mean?  It’s really frustrating to me.  I get so aggravated when I can’t find the right word to say what I want to express, or when I realize that – in the middle of the conversation – I have completely forgotten what I was saying.  It absolutely drives me crazy.

I’ve read that this can be a side effect of the chemotherapy, as well as a symptom of menopause.  So great, so I’m getting slammed by both sides.  I’ve read that physical activity helps to ease these symptoms.  Haha!  Can you imagine what I would be like if I DIDN’T run every day?!  Probably drooling in a cup.

Yes, it’s official…I am 90 years old.

I’ve actually been writing this post in my head several times, but well, ya know…Winking smile 

Now aren’t you glad you know all this?!  HeeheeSmile with tongue out

Well I’m off to help the kids decorate the Christmas tree and enjoy the rest of our evening.  More basketball games tomorrow!  Yay!  Go Bulldogs!!

GAMEDEC3

GAMEDEC3-2

GAMEDEC3-3

Love y’all Red heart

xoxo

PS- Let it be known that it has taken me 1 hour 56 minutes to write this post…multiple breaks, dinner, dishes, kid questions, life…all of which has broken my fragile concentration into a million pieces. Clock

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