The Hard Questions

Something that I accidentally left out of yesterday’s post about my clean scans from my checkup on Friday (Yay!) , was a teensy piece of information that I just got the courage to ask on Friday…the stage of my cancer at diagnosis.

Dr. P never mentioned it, and truthfully, I didn’t really want to know. I thought if it was important, he would tell me. Which is so true. I didn’t want to invite any more information into my brain when it was already so full, so I didn’t ask…purposely. Regardless if my cancer was stage 0 or 4, I was going to fight with the same intensity and I was going to beat it.

So Friday I asked the Dr. assisting Dr. P, and the answer…Stage IIIA. Whoa. Three, like, out of four. For those that may not be familiar with the staging of breast cancer, the BarnesJewish Health Library (available on their website) defines it as

“Stage IIIA (advanced stage). This stage is also called locally advanced cancer. The tumor is not more than five centimeters (two inches) across, and the cancer in your underarm lymph nodes is extensive, or it has spread to other lymph nodes. Or the tumor is more than five centimeters (two inches) across, and it has spread to other lymph node areas but not to the chest wall or skin. The cancer has not spread to distant sites.”

I digested this new piece of information slowly. I was kind of prepared, but not completely. In looking at how they stage breast cancer I could plug my numbers into the equation, such as the size of the tumor and the lymph nodes involved, but there were pieces of the equation that was missing, things that only the doctors know. So I kind of guesstimated myself at a stage two or three, but more leaning towards two;-)

So during my little freak out moment inside my head, I was saying to myself

“You had stage 3 cancer! Oh my gosh!! How scary! That was in my body!!”

But then I slowed down and thought about what I had just said, “HAD cancer…WAS in my body.” Oh yeah…I beat it! And by the grace of God I am healed. One moment of clarity falling all over me…another, and BIGGER, one to come…

Then God laid upon my heart that the stage wasn’t going to affect His presence in my storm one bit. That He was still God whether the pathology had come back better or worse. And I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that my Jesus was the same before I walked into that exam room on Friday and when I walked out with a new piece of information inside my head. THE SAME. He is the most steady and solid Rock, and in a world that sometimes seems to be spinning out of control, I can count on Him NO MATTER WHAT.

So whether the mountain we may need moved is a speed bump or a towering peak, He cares the same…and He will remain steady. If it’s a big deal to us, it’s a big deal to Him. Why? Simple. Because of His amazing love for us. For you, and for me. We are His children, and He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with us.

I’m so beyond thankful.

Be blessed, friends.

xoxo

“However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.” Ecclesiastes 11:8